Come to terms with means to accept something difficult, such as a loss, an illness or a big change. The situation can't be changed, and the person gradually stops fighting it and learns to live with it. The expression is neutral and works equally well in conversation and in an IELTS essay.
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come to terms with + noun/-ing; come to terms with the fact that + clause
- It took my dad a long time to come to terms with losing his job at fifty.
- Many international students have to come to terms with being so far from their families.
- The team slowly came to terms with the fact that the launch would be delayed until spring.
What changed
First versionMy parents still haven't come in terms with my decision to leave university.
RevisionMy parents still haven't come to terms with my decision to leave university.
The mistake comes from the familiar in terms of, “as regards, when it comes to”. The phrases look alike, but when the meaning is “accept”, come is followed by to: come to terms with. So in was changed to to.
Come to terms with and put up with can both sound like “accept”, but they mean different things. Put up with means to tolerate something annoying that keeps going on: I put up with the noise from the builders. Come to terms with means to accept, deep down, something that can't be changed: a loss, a diagnosis, a move.
Your turn
After the accident, Tom knew he would never play professional football again, and it took him two years to ___ that.
Show the answer
come to terms with — Tom is accepting a painful fact that can't be changed, so come to terms with fits. Put up with is for something annoying that drags on day after day, such as noise or an awkward schedule, not a lost dream.
Describe a change that you or someone you know found hard to accept: a move, a new job, a break-up. Say what the change was and how long it took to accept it.
It took me almost a year to come to terms with leaving my hometown and moving to London.
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