Who refers to the person who does the action, both in questions and after a noun (the manager who…); whom refers to the person the action is directed at. In conversation whom is hardly used, and people say who in both cases: Who did you invite? Whom is needed straight after a preposition (to whom, with whom) and suits formal letters and texts.
who or whom — can you pick the right one?
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who + verb (Who called?); who + subject + verb (Who did you meet?; formal: Whom did you meet?); preposition + whom (to whom, with whom); most of whom, both of whom
- Who called you so late last night? Was everything OK?
- Who are you meeting after work? Anyone I know?
- The applicant to whom we offered the job accepted it on Monday.
What changed
First versionDear Ms Clark, could you tell me to who I should send my application?
RevisionDear Ms Clark, could you tell me to whom I should send my application?
Straight after a preposition you need whom: to whom, with whom, for whom. To who sounds careless, and in a formal letter it stands out. If whom feels too formal, move the preposition to the end: who I should send my application to.
There is one place where who is wrong even in conversation: after some of, most of and both of. I have two brothers, both of whom live in Canada; both of who would be a mistake here. In an essay this structure helps you join two sentences into one.
Your turn
The manager ___ interviewed me was friendly and asked about my hobbies.
Show the answer
who — The manager did the interviewing, so he is the one acting: he interviewed me. If he fits, you need who. Whom takes the place of him: the manager whom I met.
Write one sentence for a formal letter to a university or company, asking who you can discuss the terms of an internship or a course with. Put the preposition before whom.
I would be grateful if you could tell me with whom I can discuss the terms of my internship.
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